Life-defining moments, or maybe not

There are life-defining moments, but I think more importantly and more often we encounter moments defined by how we have chosen to live. Yesterday was one of the most bizarre days of my life. Without any concrete reason or formal review, I was asked to leave the organization in which I was the second employee and have built up from scratch. Effective immediately. 9 days before my official resignation date that had been agreed upon. Without any transition plan.

I could have turned it into a life-defining moment. I could let my boss define my worth and who I am. But I didn't. Everything that I have learned this past year about grace and the character of God sustained me through a tumultuous day in which I was tempted more than once to just say "F*** you too".

I know God is glorious, so I don't have to fear others. I don't have to fear my boss. There is a God who created a world in which the sun rises and falls in a predictive pattern. There is a God who is so creative that there are a billion types of plants, trees, flowers and animals in this world. When was the last time anyone in my life, including my boss, did that?

I know that God is great, so I don't have to be in control. I know that God is bigger than all of this. I can't, nor do I want to try to control this situation anymore.

I know that God is gracious, so that I don't have to prove myself. Perhaps this is the biggest thing I've learned this year. If you really think about it, there is nothing that I have done in life that I can give 100% credit to myself. I came into this world with nothing. Nothing. Through unmerited favor I had wonderful parents who nurtured me and supported me. I had wonderful teachers who fostered growth and helped me get into a top university. I have had friends, mentors, doctors, professors, pastors, counselors that have helped me be who I am today. This is all through God's grace. And I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I am saved by grace.

Finally, God is good, so I don't have to look elsewhere for satisfaction. Jobs will never satisfy. We can work hard at them, but at the end of the day, if we are looking to our job or friends or family to fulfill us, we will be left disappointed.

And so I leave, realizing just how fear can paralyze a person and become her rational for all things irrational. But I am choosing grace. I am choosing joy. I am choosing to believe that new adventures await me that will not be defined by how she chose to let me go, but how I choose to move forward.