Stepping Down

When you work in direct service, whether with students, clients, or in my case, career-changers, stepping down from a position involves much more than a resignation letter. In the past I've written an e-mail to families announcing my departure. Or in the case of my last job, I was leaving just as my 8th graders were also leaving and given that it was a 2-year program, no one was surprised.

But at this job, I have 140 people that I support, who until two days ago, had no idea that I have plans to leave. I've worked with each of them since their first days in the program. And even as the staff has grown, I've remained for most of them the one person they call when they have a question about anything.

I see the Educators so rarely and my decision to leave had so little to do with them that it barely occurred to me that I would have to say good-bye. But my leaving happened to coincide with our biggest event of the year, which meant I would say goodbye to them in person, in a speech in front of everyone. Throughout the weekend, each time I thought about what I would say I choked up. What would I say to all of them who as I've supported them, have so wonderfully encouraged me? How would I let them know that this decision had absolutely nothing to do with them? Were we announcing it at the right time? I felt all weekend that I was hiding something.

I wrote out what I would say, trying to explain my rationale for why I was leaving. How do you begin an announcement like this? When would I make the transition from thanking them for their support to telling them that I am stepping down? I tried to make it as smooth as possible. But as I stepped on the stage and looked out at all these faces staring back at me with emotionless expressions (this was, after all, the third day of an intense weekend of workshops) I nearly froze. What would they think? I felt a little like I was abandoning them.

I got through the speech and there it was, out in the open. I was stepping down. I was overwhelmed by the response afterwards of hugs, handshakes and congratulations. For all the challenges I've had with this position, I've so easily forgotten the connection I have with the Educators and the support that we do offer in their transition to education.