5 years from now

“Where do you want to be in 5 years?” This question posed by my friend caught me off guard. I haven’t thought that far ahead, honestly.  Since reaching my goal of earning a masters degree and teaching credential, I’ve seemed to be in survival mode. Just get through the first year of teaching.  Which I think is appropriate for this stage of life. The job has taken almost every ounce of energy, creative thought and brain power that I have. 

But I’ve also come to think that maybe there’s a better question to be answered.  Bucket lists and goals are good things to strive for.  But the majority of really important events and experiences that happened in my 20’s were never really on a list, except for teaching. They evolved out of who I was becoming and from the people who were in my life at the time.  

Living in such a transient place, it’s hard to predict who will be in my life on a weekly basis in 5 years. So perhaps the question I want to put more time into thinking about is “what kind of person do I want to be?” 

I want to be the kind of person who asks lots of questions. I desire this for my students, and hope to model it in my own life. A question can reveal deep engagement and sometimes the best words of wisdom come not in a statement, but a question. 

I want to be the kind of person who listens.  Listens for stories around me in my students’ lives, their families’ lives, friends’ lives, in the neighborhood, the city, the people who I meet on Sunday mornings.  

I want to be the kind of person who listens with empathy. Empathy is perhaps one of the hardest things to carry out since it requires that we step out of our self-centeredness for a few minutes and consider life outside of our own narrow perspective. 

I want to be the kind of person who knows how to take care of herself so she can be present to others.  Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I’m getting better. 

I want to be the kind of person that recognizes the storyline that popular culture promotes can be deceptive, leading to anxiety and hurt and lonliness and feelings of failure.  I was reminded today Jesus told his disciples (my paraphrase) “this is how the world moves though life, but not so with you.” 

I want to be the kind of person who is not afraid of mistakes, or messy situations, or hard relationships. Growth happens when struggle is mixed with hope and faith and trust in a god so much bigger than myself. 

I want to be the kind of person who understands that that my work is only a painting, a mere glimpse of the much bigger work of redemption that is being done as the kingdom of heaven is made visible on earth.  

I want to be the kind of person remembers daily that I am only here by grace.  I earn nothing, but am blessed far beyond what I ever could imagine for myself.